Crack Fic: The Musical
by Wild Fantasy
Summary: Hey you guys, I decided to change the whole theme of this fic! You will sing, you will sing! sticks out tongue Review, peoples, review! Rated M for very perverted humor.
1. Gay Bitches and Craziness

**Author's Note: **Hello band geeks who are about to read this oh-so funny crack fic. All of this is not true so pretend it's a cool fantasy or something. Hee hee...

**Disclaimer: **I don't own my friends, if I did they'd be my slaves or something... and JMo owns the Land of Java Land, Jessica owns her personality, and more credits will be added next chapter. Flamers will be ignored and good reviews would be nice!!!

-----------------------------------------------

**Lucy: **Once upon a time in the Land of Java Land, there was a bunch of people going to Java High, and they...oh fuck this crap, LadyAeris knows I wouldn't do shit for her stupidass crack fic.

**LadyAeris1997:** (laughing her ass off)

**Lucy: **(flips the ol' finger at my direction)

**LadyAeris1997: **DO NOT QUESTION MY AUTHORITY, MERE MORTAL!!! (kicks Lucy's crotch)

**Lucy: **(clutches privates desperately) WAIT UNTIL I GET MY FLUTE UP YOU ASS BITCH!!! (clears throat) Anyways, there were a lot of couples, both disturbing and cute! Like those two fuckwits over there...(still clutching privates)

------------------------------------------------

**Brandon: **Bitch, get your ass over here!

**Michael trumpet: **Yes, beautiful overlord precious honey-gem jewel!! (skips happily towards Brandon)

**Brandon: **Didn't I tell you to clean my trailer like a good bitch?!?!

**Michael trumpet: **I'm sorry, honey-buns!! I was PMS'ing!! 0.o

**Brandon: **I forgive you now, bitch. Okay, it's...!!

**Michael trumpet: **SNUGGLE TIME!!! (gets naked)

**Brandon: **(also bares it)

**JMo: **Oh my frickin' hell, Brandon has small...

**JeanCarlo: **PEANUTS!! GET YOUR FRESH PEANUTS!!

**Lisseth: **I want some!! (JeanCarlo gives peanuts to Lisseth)

**Steve: **(peers in Brandon's direction) Wait a minute, that guy has a puny...

**Tiffany: **JOHNSON!! (John runs to her)

**John: **What the hell, my name's Johnny Boi, not Johnson.

**Tiffany: **Sorry!! (looks towards Brandon's direction) Poor man, he has a tiny...

**LadyAeris1997: **TALLYWHACKER!!! (ROTFLAO)

**Lucy: **Okay, anyways, back to the story...WTF ARE THEY DOING?!?!?!

**Brandon: **THAT'S THE WAY I LIKE IT!! MMMMMM!!!! (fondles Michael's universal axis)

**Michael trumpet: **Anything to please you, my master!! (licks Brandon's ass) Eww, master, your ass has green stuff on it...smells like crap...

**Brandon: **SHUT THE HELL UP AND PLEASURE ME!!! (smacks Michael's ass)

**Michael: **Okay!! (insert more perverted sex scenes I can't put on screen if you are weak-hearted)

**LadyAeris1997: **(pukes)

**Lucy: **(faints)

**Ladyaeris1997: **Okay, we are facing technical problems, so let's see what the _sane_ people are doing!

-------------------------------------

**Inside Christopher mellophone's house...**

**Chris: **Ninja Gaiden Black, Ninja Gaiden Black, Ninja Gaiden Black...(repeatedly says the phrase while playing said game, is currently in fetal position and rocking back and forth)

---------------------------------------

**LadyAeris1997: **(sweatdrops) Okay, let's check on another person!

----------------------------------------

**Jessica: **Pretty boy, pretty boy, pretty boy...(stroking something)

**Maria: **Umm, what are you stroking?

**Jessica: **(reveals severed head)

**JPJ: **Help...me...

**Maria: **AHHHHHHH!!!! (whacks head repeatedly with flute) DIE MONSTER DIE!!! (runs away)

----------------------------------------

**LadyAeris1997: **(smacks forehead repeatedly with flute)

**Lucy: **Okay, how 'bout **I **show some sane people!!

------------------------------------------

**Aurea: **Please come back, I LOVE you!!!

**Uriel: **Get the fuck away from me, bitch!! (runs fast)

**Aurea: **Accept the truth!! I love you with all my body, heart, and soul!!! I wanna make Uriel Juniors with you!!!

**Uriel: **(screaming his ass off)

----------------------------------------

**Lucy: **Dammit, no one's sane here!!

**LadyAeris1997: **Luckily, I DO know some sane people...actually they're a couple! Yay:)

---------------------------------------------

(Lisseth and Steve are having a stroll through the park of Java High)

**Lisseth: **Isn't this romantic?

**Steve: **Yeah.

**Lisseth: **Isn't that rock over there romantic?

**Steve: **(sweatdrops big time) Umm, yeah, honey.

**Lisseth: **Hey, isn't that gay couple over there romantic? (points at Brandon and Michael who are still goin' at it)

**Steve: **MY EYES!! MY VIRGIN EYES!! (whacks himself with drum stick)

**Lisseth: **My boyfriend fainting...isn't that romantic? (walks away)

--------------------------

**Lucy: **(smirks) I guess you failed this time.

**LadyAeris1997: **(whimpers) Umm, let me check...on...JeanCarlo then...

---------------------------------

**Inside JeanCarlo's house...**

**JeanCarlo: **Mom, Leisure Suit Larry is educational.

**Mom: **Why?

**JeanCarlo: **I get to control my sperm and see what it does. Plus I saw some naked chicks! Ahh, the many pleasures of the female anatomy...

**Mom: **WTF, Jean, stop playing that!! (throws a random plushie at him)

---------------------------------------

**LadyAeris1997: **(cries at the top of her lungs)

**Lucy: **Don't worry, we'll find a sane person someday...a year later...when hell freezes over...(sweatdrops)

**JMo: **I have a suggestion you might like...

**LadyAeris1997: **(perks up) REALLY?!?!?

**JMo: **Shit yeah, bitch. Let me present...TIFFANY!!

**Tiffany: **Hello, you guys.

**LadyAeris1997: **(evil grin) Didn't I make her mind extra perverted last time at Burger King?

**JMo: **Ummm...no.

**Tiffany: **Hey, LadyAeris!! Remember the "put inside here" sign? (laughs)

**JMo: **OMG, you ruined my girlfriend!! (sobbing and leading Tiffany away)

**Tiffany: **I know you're my girlfriend, but lead me away one more time...(holds flag at the ready)

**JMo: **Eep! I'm sorry! (they walk away)

**Brandon's Voice: **AWW YEAH THAT'S THE STUFF!!!

**Michael's Voice: **You're hurting me...

**LadyAeris1997: **Okay, the characters were introduced...what will happen next time?

**Lucy: **Hey, those were my lines!!! (whacks me with flute)

**LadyAeris1997: **Okay then, you want some of this?!?!

(fight an epic bloody battle using our flutes as lightsabers...)

---------------------------------------

**Author's Note: **Yes, the chappie was short, but I need suggestions! A plot! More random humor!!! Please review and leave suggestions...PLEASE!!!

**Natalie sax: **Okay, why didn't **I** appear in you crack fic?

**Me: **I'm saving you and some other characters for the upcoming chappie!! Yay me!!!

**Natalie sax: **Whatever...(flies away) 0.o

**Me: **Errr, all I gotta say is PLEASE REVIEW!!! I'M OPEN FOR SUGGESTIONS!!!

**Chris: **Ninja Gaiden Black, Ninja Gaiden Black, Ninja Gaiden Black...


	2. FLUTE POWER!

**Author's Note: **The second chapter of our crack fic!! This time the chappie's longer with the help of my friends!! SQUEE!!

**Apology: **Sorry for the long update!!! I had too much to type and so little time to plan...

**Disclaimer: **For the second time, I don't own my friends since their parents own them in the first place. I'll get the paperwork done when they turn 18, I'll own them by then! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (explodes)

-------------------------------

**Lucy: **Back on the fair fields of Java High...there is...OMG!!! (averts eyes)

**Brandon: **(still naked) You did your part well, bitch!

**Michael senior: **Ready to please you, master!! (bows and still naked)

**JMo:** Stupidass, cover your butt, I can see your poop chute!! (runs away)

**Tiffany: **I wonder if I can place my flag in the hole...

**JMo: **NOOOO, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, LADYAERIS?!?!?!? (drags Tiffany away)

**Lucy: **HELLO?!?! Still continuing fic over here!!!! (clears throat) As I continue LadyAeris' suckass fic...

**LadyAeris1997: **Don't you DARE call this stupid!!! I owned you in our last fight...

**Lucy: **Shut up, I don't have any of your mad skillz!! (runs away)

**LadyAeris1997: **What a disgrace to the Latino community...(clears throat) Okay, back to the story!! There was a devious plot cooking up in the calm land of Java High. It involved the changes the sane people faced. Now they are _insane _and are attacking Java Land. And guess who protects their sorry asses...

--------------------------

**Random Person #1: **Look up there!! (points at sky)

**Random Person #2: **It's a bird!!

**Random Person #3:** It's a plane!!

**Random Person #2: **No, it was a bird.

(cheesy heroic song)

**LadyAeris1997: **It's...FLUTE POWER!!!!

(Lisseth is seen flying over Java High)

**LadyAeris1997: **With her super-nerdy glasses, she can shine them on any evil-doer and blind them!!!

(Maria is seen whacking the still naked Brandon and Michael)

**LadyAeris1997: **With her mighty uber flute, she is able to subdue even the toughest fiends!!!

(Jenny is aiming a AK-17 at hapless criminals)

**LadyAeris1997: **Ummm...I don't think she has powers...meh. Watch out for her, she can blow your brains out or something...

(Lucy is acting bored)

**LadyAeris1997: **(sweatdrops) I guess...she bores the hell out of bad people.

(Erika is beating up some dumb trumpet dudes)

**LadyAeris1997: **With her fists reinforced with genuine flute metal, she can decimate anything with her righteous punches!! Last, but not least...ME!!!! With my fur, I can clog the drains and cut off water supply of bad guys. Yay for hairy females!! XD

**Lisseth: **It seems there is a problem over at the corner of Java High...let's investigate!!!

(Flute Power flies over at the corner)

**Brandon(other): **HELP I'M FREAKIN' STUCK AT THE TOP OF THIS SHIT!!!

(JeanCarlo is seen taking a piss at the base)

**Maria: **How in the hell did you get stuck up there?

**Brandon(other): **I climbed up the frickin' pipe and got stuck up here! I'm too much of a big pussy to climb back down...

**Jenny: **SHOOT TO KILL, IT'S A WHITE BOY!!! (shoots randomly around Brandon)

**Brandon(other): **WTF ARE YOU DOING?!?!? I'M A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS!!!!

**Flute Power & others: **...

**Brandon(other): **...

**Flute Power & others: **...

**Brandon(other): **...forget I said anything...

**Maria: **Screw it, let's help the dipshit!!! (tries to fly to him but falls flat on her butt) WTF is wrong with my powers?!?!?

**Erika: **It seems that the ultimate master is sucking away our power...

**LadyAeris1997: **No way...you mean..!

**Lisseth: **Yes. _La Tia!!!_

--------------------------------------

**Inside JPJ's house...**

**JPJ: **WHOOOOOOOO!!!!

**LaTia: **No wonder you're my favorite trumpet...

(you can hear moans and groans that can break the sound barrier)

---------------------------------------

**Lisseth: **She's sucking away our powers to use for any _exercise _she just _happened_ to be doing!!

**LadyAeris1997: **NOOO!!! I DON'T WANT MY POWERS SUCKED OUT FOR _THAT_!!!

**Erika: **We must flee until she's done with _whatever _she was doing!!!

**Brandon(other): **HEY, HOW 'BOUT SAVING ME?!?!?!

**Jenny: **How about you climb down yourself for a change? OR ELSE...(holds gun threatenlingly)

**Brandon(other): **OKAY, OKAY!!! When I gather my percussionist confidence...(is seen closing eyes and saying "woosa")

**Lisseth: **Isn't the damsel in distress romantic? (walks away)

**LadyAeris1997: **Okay, I'll leave you Jessica and Chris for company!! (brings both of them)

**Brandon(other): **YAY!!

**LadyAeris1997: **Okay, gotta go...(leaves with the others)

**Chris: **Ninja Gaiden Black, Ninja Gaiden Black, Ninja Gaiden Black...(same position as last chappie)

**Jessica: **You're cute. I want to kill you and preserve you and stroke your head. Please love me.

**Brandon(other): **Eep!! Need to leave this dope...(tries to climb down) Aw shit, I'm stuck!

(JeanCarlo is done with pissing and is leaving the area)

**Brandon(other): **Can't...hold...on...much...LONGER!!! (lets go and falls in puddle of JeanCarlo juice)

**Chris & Jessica: **(laughing their asses off)

**Brandon(other): **AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (soaked with JeanCarlo piss)

------------------------------

**Meanwhile...**

**Leslie: **Yip yip yip yip standby yip yip yip yip!!!

**George: **Aw, how're you doing my pet!!

**Leslie: **Yip yip yip yip righthace yip yip yip!! (if you wanna know, Leslie is a small chihuahua with her face on it. all bark and no bite, eh?)

**George: **Attagirl!! You know I love you!! (strokes head of Leslie)

**Leslie: **Yip yip yip yip dresscenterdress yip yip yip yip!!!

(the couple walks away)

--------------------------

**Somewhere else...**

**Urinal: **For the last time LEAVE ME ALONE!!! (still is running)

**Aurea: **You can't deny my LOVE!! (makes smooching sounds)

**Urinal: **Umm, YES I CAN!!! (whacks Aurea with trombone)

**Aurea: **Even that whack won't stop me from making your future children!!! (still chasing Urinal)

**Urinal: **(screaming like a baby)

------------------------

**Somewhere _somewhere _else...**

**Michael(senior): **That's it, I'm done with being your bitch!!!

**Brandon: **What you say, bitch?!?!

**Michael(senior): **Yeah, you heard me! I finally found a man that loves me and respects me!!

**Brandon: **Who is is, bitch?!?!

**Michael(senior): **MOWGLI!!!

**Mowgli: **AEAEAEAEAHOOOOOO!!! (swinging from vines)

**Brandon:** That's it?

**Mowgli: **AEAEAEAEwingardiumleviosaAEAEAEOHHH!!!! (is seen wearing only a loincloth)

**Michael(senior): **Come here, my sweet!!! (hugs Mowgli)

**Brandon: **Hmph!! (runs away)

**Mowgli: **How are you doing, my goddess?

**Michael(senior): **I'm doing excellent!! Let's make love!!

**Mowgli: **Okay!! Let me put this spell on our love sticks. ENGORGIO!!

(wangs became as large & thick as tubas)

**Michael(senior): **All righty then. LETS DO IT!!!

(more sex scenes unappropiate for fragile minds and children. I mean, look at those...)

**Jessica:** Walnuts! (is eating said nuts)

---------------------------

**Somewhere somewhere _somewhere _else...**

**Jesus: **I'M JESUS!!! I CAN WALK ON WATER!!!

**Ana:** (smirks) Can you do that with a snare?

**Jesus: **I AM JESUS!! I CAN DO ANYTHING!! (walks on pool, sinks in a split second)

**Ana:** Umm, Jesus...(only sees bubbles in the otherwise still pool)

**Ana: **Okay...walking away _slowly..._

_--------------------------------_

**Author's Note: **Please review. Any missed content will be placed next chapter!!


	3. Smokin' Saxes and Random Fun!

**Author's Note: **Hiya, I made two updates in one day! SQUEE!! More insane ideas from my insane yet cool friends!!!

**Apology: **Sorry if I didn't include ideas in the last chappie, I primised you guys the update was at 2:00. Well, a situation rose up and I included as much as possible!! Sorry again!!! n.n

**Disclaimer: **I own my friends!! Yay! Just kidding. XD

----------------------

**Natalie: **Wow...

**Jenny sax: **Dude...

**Puffy: **Sweet...

**Andrea:** Whoa...

**Nataly: **Try G-flat, it's gooood...

**Puffy: **F-natural iz da bomb...

(saxes are smoking weed & crack and goodness knows what else through their instruments)

**Andrea: **Crack iz good for you...

**Jenny sax: **So is weed...

**Natalie: **Weed n' crack is your friend...

**Puffy: **Love and obey drugs...

------------------------

**LadyAeris1997: **WTF LUCY, YOU DIDN'T START THE CHAPTER!!!

**Lucy: **Knew that would annoy you!! Take that, sucka!

**LadyAeris1997:** Shut up and just read the damn story!!

**Lucy:** Just because I'm your slave doesn't mean that I HAVE to obey you!! Screw this, I'm goin' to Wendy's. (walks away)

**LadyAeris1997: **Meanie...after the $500 a week payment I gave her just to work for me...(clears throat) Since I don't have much of a story still but still has a bunch of random humor tucked away in my perv-brain...I'll just add random events!! Yay!! I need some reviewers to give me ideas for a story(you know who you are...)!

--------------------------

**Rose: **HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TO TELL YOU, PLACE YOUR FUCKING TUBAS CORRECTLY!!! PLAY THEM TOO, IT'S NOT GONNA KILL YOU!!!!

**Leo: **Oh no, she's angry!! Poke her belly!! (pokes Rose's belly)

**Rose: **Eep!! (flinches)

**Leo: **Anyways, we don't want to play tubas because...hell, just look what happened to Paco!!

**Paco: **(plays stupid ranchero music with tuba) YA VIENE LA MIGRA!! (runs away)

**Rose: **(sweatdrops)

------------------------

**Flute Power: **(playing flutes in peace)

**Leslie: **Yip yip yip yip standby yip yip yip!!!

**Flute Power: **(freezes on what they were doing)

**Lisseth: **(cleaning glasses)

**Maria: **(sniffing her armpits)

**Erika: **(was sending text message to Al-Quaeda)

**Jenny: **(was aiming gun at a bird)

**Lucy: **(was scratching her ass)

**LadyAeris1997: **(currently was picking nose)

**Leslie: **Yip yip yip yip whatthehellwereyoudoing yip yip yip?!?!?

**Lizzie: **Umm...practicing!

**Rest of Flute Power:** Agreed!!

**Leslie: **Yip yip yip standeasyrunfourlaps yip yip yip!!

**Maria: **(picks up Leslie, stuffs her in a soundproof cage, and throws her in a random dumpster)

**Flute Power: **Yay, we were saved!! (proceeds with what they were doing)

-----------------------------

**Urinal: **MOMMY!! I WANT MY MOMMY!!! (_still_ running)

**Aurea: **If you partake in my love,** I **can be a mom!! (still running after him)

**Urinal: **NOOO!!! SOMEONE SAVE ME!! PLEASE!!!

**Jessica: **If you want, I can take you home and keep you in a cage as my pet. Then I'll kill you and I'll stroke you. I want your skin, please love me too.

**Urinal: **(screams his little ass off) MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!!!

**Aurea: **Aww, show me some LOVE!! (chasing poor Urinal)

-------------------------

**Innuendo Time!!!**

**Michael(senior): **Can you go a bit lower?

**Mowgli: **Can't, it's just dangling there...

**Michael(senior): **It's probably hard enough now.

**Mowgli: **That wasn't a good screw...

(they were fixing a bike with some screws and a welding torch. Got you there, didn't I?)

------------------------

**Author's Note: **Still need some ideas, supply me with your wisdom!!! I love ya!!!


	4. WTF? More Crazy Bitches!

Author's Note: I don't own my friends or the marching band. Else they'd be my love slaves for life. (pervy thoughts)

Disclaimer: Read my author's note. 

There is a storm brewing in the land of Java land. That storm is…Michael's and Mowgli's unceasing moans.

Michael: OMG you're gooood!!

Mowgli: (pervy grin) You know it!!

(more moans and groans)

LadyAeris: WTF?!?! (flees from noise) Oh God I can't take it anymore!!

Lucy: Well I can't make a comment since I left band. (walks away)

LadyAeris: Leave, bitch!! Who wants you?!?!

(in another part of Java Land…)

Rose: Hmm Paco you're sexy!! (growls)

Paco: Hmmm I love you too, sweetcheeks. (pats Rose's butt) And I love those cheeks too!

Rose: You're kinky, my chicken-legged angel! (grabs Paco's butt) Firm…

(insert images that can't be posted)

(in another part part of Java Land that doesn't include Rose and Paco…)

Uriel: OMG leave me alone!!

Aurea: LOVE ME!!

(Uriel stops)

Uriel: Okay I got tired from running away from you. How bout a date?

Aurea: Hmmm, how bout MARRIAGE??

Uriel: Whatever floats you boat…


End file.
